October 2011
1 post
RAGE ending to enRAGE you
Hello my little vault dwellers…wait wrong game. Hello vault hunters…nope I’m sorry let me try again. Ahem…it’s ah me, Mario! Between BRINK, RAGE, Fallout and Borderlands the words ark and vault have lost all meaning. I finally beat RAGE and I have to say the ending fell flat on its face like a mutant with a BFG blast to the slimy groin. [SPOILER ALERT AHEAD]
In RAGE you wake up from your...
September 2011
1 post
Shadows of the Damned this game is so stupid...
Shadows of the Damned is a game based on one long, hard, throbbing dick joke. Literally everything is about penis, sex, boobs, etc. You play an illiterate demon hunter named Garcia Hotspurr and your sidekick gun named “Johnson”. Johnson has modes such as Big Boner, Boner Ripper, Boner Wing, Cock Rocket, and Big Penis Gun. The story is as shallow as a cold pool that shrinks a penis. In a nutsack...
July 2011
1 post
DUKE NUKEM: takes FOREVER
I finally beat Duke Nukem: Forever. It was fun, funny, action packed and had the LONGEST LOAD SCREEN EVER! Which played the same music over and over with some dumb lines to read that give helpful information like “Press ‘A’ to jump”, “Kill Pig monsters with bullets” and “You are playing Duke Nukem: Forever!”. Next time they should make them...
February 2011
1 post
Bread Spread! →
January 2011
1 post
Vietnam like you never played before...with...
COD: Black Ops is set in Vietnam during covert “Black Ops” missions. The developers try hard with research from war vets, a great soundtrack and missions that may have existed. Sounds cool right? Wrong. In a few missions you use Laser sights, camera mounted missiles from tanks, and Kevlar. All these “supposedly” were NOT invented. Camera mounted missiles in the mid 60’s? Also Ice-T does a...
December 2010
3 posts
This post is FULLY upgradable. Add more...
Recently I re-played Splinter Cell: Conviction and it reminded me of when developers claim that you can UPGRADE your arsenal! For example in the previews I read the devs made it sound like you can tweak your guns to fit your killing style. So like an idiot I got excited at the possibilities. Wow I bet I could add a scope, fire in different modes (Ala Spread, Machine Gun, Etc.) or change the types...
Why I love LOOT in RPG's.
The answer is simple because every fight, every beast slain, every chest opened is a new gift! It’s like every battle is Christmas morning minus all that blood…unless you asked Santa Clause for blood and that’s just morbid.
Oooh it’s just what I wanted a LV 10 Elvish of Glark Sword with ATK: 23 that causes FIRE DMG! Thanks so much Santa Clause too bad I had to kill you...
5 tags
Dread Rising: Too
My dad and Chuck Greene from Dead Rising 2 have two things in common: They both love duct tape and use the bathroom WAY too much.
“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”
November 2010
1 post
Bowl of Doodie: Big Plops
I don’t know what all the fuss is about with the Call of Duty franchise. In my opinion in every firefight I find it difficult to decipher an enemy from my own troops! I’ve hit more Friendly’s than a fat kid with a coupon book and a hunger for a Hunka Chunka PB Fudge Lava Cake Sundae!
With the COD: BLACK OPS Special Edition you receive the Ecto-Cooler Rifle that squirts the...
October 2010
2 posts
My tribute to release dates...
This post has been delayed till March, 2011.
Hydrophobia more like demoshortaphobia
I tried the demo for Hydrophobia and I was not impressed at all. It uses a HydroEngine which provides realistic fluid dynamics technology for flowing water, allowing it to interact with the surroundings. That sounds cool if they showcased that in the demo. Instead they made you run, jump, and climb in a trial that lasted about five minutes. The main character has a fear of water which is crazy....
March 2010
2 posts
Darksiders: Being ditched during the Apocalypse
Have you ever been invited somewhere and none of your friends show up? That’s the plot of this game! You play as WAR, one of the Four Horseman of The Apocalypse, and someone told you your buddies were having a pizza party on Earth and when you get there you’re all alone. So you do what anyone would do kill zombies until the plot develops. This game was a blast but I was disappointed that there was...
Bayonetta: I’d like to screw her on the end of my...
Have you ever cursed out and Angel and then sliced it’s head clean off? No? Well get your “strap on” pistol boots and brush back your hair T-Shirt cause this is the game for you! From the makers of Devil May Cry comes this sexy, gun toting, split doing, sword slashing, bombshell of a witch. The game play is crazy addictive and rates you after every battle! You always want to get a better score to...
December 2009
2 posts
New Super new Mario new Bros new Wii…NEW!!
Now you can play with four friends at the same time in New Super Mario Bros Wii. Four players can simultaneously play on screen while four people slowly destroy their friendships off screen. I say this is because you do not need four players at the same time in Super Mario Bros. Goombas are not that difficult to kill! In game each player can easily bump another off a cliff, steal a much needed...
1 tag
(Borderlands) Pandora: Charlton Heston’s home away...
I love the game Borderlands for one good reason: GUNS, GUNS, and MORE GUNS! This game boasts over 3,166,880! Don’t forget that they can have over three million guns because if you take the same gun and tweak the accuracy a bit or the fire rate, viola new gun! Guns that set people on fire, melt them with acid, blow them to pieces. Some fire faster, have tracking bullets, or call before they stop...
August 2009
6 posts
S-C-R (really now Hannah Montana can meet...
I know it’s the end of the world because Disney just bought Marvel Comics. I would call it a sign of Apocalypse but they probably just changed his name to Bad Day Bob.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Ham
I am a huge Star Wars fan down to knowing information pre-IMDB such as David Prowse was the actor who played Darth Vader in the original trilogy. I could not wait to see Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. I had high hopes for this movie especially after seeing Yoda battle Count Dooku. I mean it was like watching your Father fight! It filled me with joy and admiration and many midiclorians. In...
Don’t sit so close you’ll go blind unless you’re...
When you first opened your brand new PS3 there is a sense of joy and nostalgia. It sort of reminds you of the first Nintendo you owned. Seeing the crisp grey and white box. Plugging in that controller for the first time and hitting power. I was a Nintendo child, a pre-teen Sega Genesis fan and finally a teenage Playstation gamer. The year was 1995 and I recall titles such as Battle Arena...
5 tags
PS3 to PSP…come in PS3!?
I just downloaded Final Fantasy VII on the Playstation Network for only $10! Then I copied the game to my new PSP and was able to play FFVII on the go! It only took twenty minutes of updates to both PS3 and PSP. Then I had to get a new update about the new updates. I was then able to hook up the PSP, after another update of course, then copy FFVII to my memory stick. The best part is that when I...
6 tags
Know what would make this kill better? Hearing...
As a professional voice over artist I am lucky enough to live off commercials, cartoons and video games. What annoys me is when Hollywood actors, some even award winners, are voicing these new games. Do you really care if you hear James Woods’s voice in GTA: San Andreas or Patrick Stewart in the new Castlevania? They spend money on this outrageously priced talent and sacrifice the game play and...
3 tags
Bionic Commando "goes commando"
When I read about this revival of a classic NES title I was so excited! Finally the day arrived when the demo was released on the old Xbox Live. Downloaded with high hopes that this could be a great game with a cool swing mechanic. I noticed that the demo had only a “multiplayer” option, which I thought strange because when I read the articles and saw the screen shots it didn’t scream MULTIPLAYER...
July 2009
4 posts
BIOSHOCK: To Catch A Big Daddy
I love Bioshock! I especially love how you get power up juice called Eve. You see your character has to find these Little Sister’s which are six year old children. They are protected by a creature known as a Big Daddy. When you kill one of these hulking beasts you then can do two things with the children. Harvest them for Adam which gives you an abundant amount but it kills them or rescue...
3 tags
Resident Evil 5 or Racist Eventually 5?
So Resi. Five got hit with a lot of flak because of the race issue. the game starts out with Chris Redfield who’s a white, good looking cop and his sidekick Sheva Alamor a light skinned black woman with straight hair. By the way if you do not know this African people usually don’t have straight hair. You shoot some light skinned African people but as the game progresses on the zombies...
Fallout 3 days long
I have been playing Fallout 3 for over one hundred and sixty-eight hours! That’s six whole days I have been wandering around the wasteland in search of my father. I want to find him so I’m going on Maury. I think he works for the Enclave right?
1 tag
Infinite Lives Gamer Blog: Project Natal
Project Natal
Project Natal is XBOX 360 upcoming new motion capture camera that was shown at E3 this year. You use your body to play games and no controller is required. Sort of like Nintendo’s Wii just without the controllers. It’s pretty impressive so you should check it out http://www.xbox.com/en-US/live/projectnatal/ It uses voice and face recognition also so it can sign you into XBOX Live,...